Ghastly Ryan Air Experience

7/11/07

Ghastly 2:30 a.m. wake up call for 5:30 a.m. flight from Brussels to Carcassonne, France. Only room service choice available was croque monsieur. A bit early for grilled cheese and ham but travelers adapt and thank God for something because we know it will be many hours before we eat again. Eight to be exact.

Tres expensive surprise, we depart from Brussels Charleroi Airport and not the REAL airport. Ryan Air is the only carrier that flies from Brussels to Carcassonne. It's a low cost carrier like Southwest and serves second-tier airports and cities. Cab fare to this bucolic trailer park airport was 130 Euros or about $195!!! It was more than the fricking airfare!! What can ya do? The only other option would have been a nine hour train ride.

We were warned about Ryan Air and their so-called "low-cost fares"... They charge extra to check baggage, about 8 Euros ($12) a piece. Not bad really.... But that's not all folks.... There is a 15 Kg weight limit (about 30 lbs) And guess what? For every Kg over the limit, it's another 9 Euros (about $13) Well, we thought we figured out a way around their convoluted baggage scheme. We each paid to check two bags and made sure neither weighed over the 15 Kg limit.

Tres Desole Monsieur.... So sorry sucker.... It's 15 Kg PER PERSON TOTAL WEIGHT, not per bag... Gottcha.... Standard maximum weight for REAL airlines is 50 lbs per checked bag with 2 bags allowed per passenger at no extra charge.

On well, it's only Euros - about 100 to be specific. Total cost for our journey 800 miles south was 450 Euros, approximately $675.

Boarded bare bones Ryan Air 737 Boeing Aircraft. At least it was a REAL airplane. Everyman for himself through the boarding process. They would literally knock you down if they could. The aircraft is configured with three seats on each side. The rows are so close together, the seats don't recline and are actually tilted forward at a slight angle. Great for low back pain sufferers. The seats covers are plastic and there is no front seat pocket. They're so cheap they don't even have safety cards. The crash information is laminated on the back of the seat in front of you.

Everything is for sale, water, soda, snacks, alcohol, duty free cigarettes, liquor, and perfume. Their flight attendants are not only glorified waitresses but they also engage in spokes model activities hawking the duty-free stuff. I was surprised they didn't charge extra to use the loo, which, by the way, doubles as the smoking section. Forget those bothersome regulations... In France, such things are merely "suggestions."

Thank goodness it was only a 90 minute flight.

At last, the pilot announced the final approach. Around and around the city we went, diving through huge banks of clouds, obviously a very low ceiling. Ten minutes into the final approach, the pilot had to abandon the initial plan due to poor visibility. Instead of switching to an instrument guided landing, he announced they would come in low and slow.... Isn't that how you cook BBQ?

We got the "helicopter" tour of Carcassonne. If I could have rolled down the window, I probably could have pinched a spire off one of the castles. I'm sure the residents of sleepy Carcassonne really enjoyed the reassuring roar of jet engines overhead, while savoring their croissants.

The PWT (Poor White Trash) Euro passengers erupted into thunderous applause when we touched Terra firma.

Bags arrived without incident and off we went to the Hotel de la Cite located within the old walled city of Carcassonne.

More on Carcassonne later..